14 July 2010

I May Have Lost My Touch

I really want to write a post tonight... er, this morning. Whatever. I seem to have lost sight of what I wanted to do with my blog. I look back, and I see a ton of movie reviews, and not a whole lot else. And yeah, a lot of my summer has involved going to the movies. I think I've gone at least a dozen times. Spock and I just saw Iron Man 2 last weekend. It was the second time I'd seen it, since the whole family went on Independence Day. But anyway, I feel sort of bad about just writing about movies. And then there was that post that was just a rant about my ex, Nietzsche. It just hasn't been a note-worthy summer, for the most part. Possibly, I just don't have a note-worthy life. But, I keep on truckin', or I guess Trekkin', being an unholy nerd and all.
I used to truly fancy myself a writer. It was my dream to be published, but until that day came, I knew I would write and write, and write some more. Until something stuck, you know? Until I actually found something worth writing an entire novel, or short story, or even poem about. And now, well, I think my brain may be deteriorating. I can barely go a day without forgetting how to spell a word, or not being able to articulate what the word even means. This, from the girl who was dubbed all throughout school as 'The Human Dictionary'. Now, I sit around every day, wondering what to write about, and almost nothing comes anymore. It's extremely frustrating, and I think that it may be contributing to my current bout of depression. I had originally worked this blog out. I was going to write, and have lists, and people would be intrigued by what I had to say. Instead, I have seven followers on the actual blog, and twelve on Facebook. And I'm related to three of them. So much for intriguing the masses. And it's not like I don't try to put the word out; I back-link all over the place. Any comment section that asks for a website, there's a link here. Any status message on any gaming site I use links here. I feel really naive about the whole thing.
And don't think that I'm quitting. No, I'm not giving up. I'm just not going to care as much, I suppose. And certainly not set my standards so high.

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